and with hardly any visible chafing...

If I did bother to name any and every ex who still finds me relevant enough to diss, in the forum in which they choose to diss me, I'd have little time for anything else. But thanks for making me feel important...

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: The throbbing of my ego

I love it when turds post anonymously. It makes my penis happy to know that there are tools in the world who lack the cajones to actually lock horns with Lord Pukor himself, and find that if they post anonymously, they can feel all bold and call me a cretin on the basis of one post, secure in the knowledge that I cannot get personal with them in response, as I know not who they are.

But I'm pretty sure that I do know the tool in question, and it makes my pants tingle with delight to know they fear my response so mightily that they hide their own identity itself for fear of flaming retribution.

Turd that they are...

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: the throbbing of my gristle...

A day of Lard: Fuckall...

A day of Wesley Willis: Not a peep...

So, one option left, one I was too naive to even think of...

Geneva convention be damned...

Toecuttr. Passenger of Shit. Cranked. Next monday.

Atrocities? War crimes? Well... yes...

Fun? Bound to cause border skirmishes? You betcha!

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Psycho Chicken - The Fools

So far she's coped with 2 of 23 Wesley Willis songs. I started off with the great warning song: Fuck with me and find out!

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: I'm sorry that I got fat - Wesley Willis

So far, no response to day ones tirade of terror. Apparently she was either out of the house, or has learned to love ol' skool industrial music.

Day 2: The plan is simple in it's genius. More Wesley Willis than a human being can stand lives on this hard drive...

So, I'll fire that up at midday, and see if I can't get a rise outta her. If I do, the plan is simple: I'll leave the list on repeat and take Zoot to the park.

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Music: Soon, my pets, soon...

It's war. Pure and simple. War is the state all humans (and states) find themselves in when faced with a belligerent, unreasonable persona that seems happy with stepping on your toes and cares not for diplomacy. I say that if you want peace, prepare for peace, unless you have a common border with Germany in the 20th century. This seems to be where I find myself, metaphorically, so fuck it, game on!

The crazy old neighbor lady stopped me listening to music during the day. She'd scream her scraggy abuse, beat on the fence, insult me and refused to ever even try to be nice. But then, someone who gets the councils' structural engineer to come condemn your house because she thinks the bass levels are demolishing the structure is hardly likely to be a reasonable person to begin with.

So, I stopped listening to music. Cold turkey. Got slowly more and more fucked up. Not that I'm that great to begin with, but the odd bit of catharsis hurts sorely when missed. And besides, a man can only wank so much.

Did that stop her beating on our fence and yelling at me? Did it stop the insults and abuse that threatened to have me over her fence doing things that end in lengthy jail terms?

Did it fuck.

Now when my neighbors play music she beats on the fence and abuses me. She then demands that I go and tell them to turn their music down.

No catharsis and repeated aggravation makes Pukey something something. Go crazy? Don't mind if I do! (insert favorite form of lunatic gibbering)

I couldn't enjoy catharsis with her abuse cutting into it, but can I enjoy being disturbingly petty and spitefully destroying the calm of somebody who's shown no respect for mine?

Fuckin ay I can. Fuck ve cunnead in 'er stupid fuck'm arse sez Oi!

From today onwards, every day that Sandra isn't here during the day it's war. It promises to be a long and tiresome campaign, with a short break for Christmas and parts of the holidays thereafter, but know this: I shall prevail! I shall munt her at the fence, I shall munt her on the volume, I shall munt her with my my vast stores of wrongness, and I, shall NEVER! SURRENDER!

Woe unto those who make a sworn enemy of The Dark Lord Of Ultimate Flemptastic Doom!

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: up for it
Current Music: Lots, all loud and offensive...

1) How old were you?
Then: 21
Now: 31

2) What was your online presence?
Then: IRC and ICQ occasionally.
Now: Mostly Facebook, sporadic LJ and very randomly on some other boards...

3) Where did you work?
Then: Centrelink
Now: Same, but all from home...

4) Where did you live?
Then: Somewhere in Melbourne, or possibly still in Adelaide...
Now: Somewhere in Sydney

5) Who did you live with?
Then: Either A couple of good friends, or my most hateable ex
Now: The woman of my dreams

6) How was your health?
Then: I'd recently dislocated both knees within 24 hours and could barely walk, which led to full-blown alcoholism and rampant depression, along with severe and constant pain...
Now: Well, apart from my teeth and my fitness level, probably better than it was then...

7) Pets?
Then: Some time around thenish I had a cute cat named Alita that was foisted on me by my least intelligent ex.
Now: Zoot, the awesomest puppy in existence, and a part-time position on Miss Miu's staff

8) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse/S.O.?
Then: *Shudder* I mentioned some about it before, but the less said the better.
Now: The most awesome woman alive

9) Who were your friends?
Then: Pretty much came down to Ben *Hi Ivy* and Fabian, but then, I've spent a long time pondering the true meaning of friend over the years, so at the time there's probably a whole bunch of cunts I wouldn't piss on now who I called "friends" back then...
Now: as always, a small, sporadic and rarely seen bunch of miscreants and misanthropes who expect me to be me, and so I return the favor... Oh, and Zoot, Miss Miu and last but bestest is my awesome gal.

10) Any kids? Any plans for kids?
Then: Nearly a couple of times, but they wouldn't have been mine anyway...
Now: depends on how I'm feeling to be honest, which isn't a good sign as far as I can tell

11) What was your worst struggle?
Then: Toss up between so frikkin many: Mental illness; alcoholism; inability to feel I deserved better than my terrible relationship choice(s); inability to be selective about my acquaintances; money; being crippled from the knees and all; emotional instability; sexual instability; suicidal depression; a disturbing addiction to service station hotdogs...
Now: mostly just down to psychological and behavioural issues that I'll probably be working on till 5 minutes after I die...

12) What was your biggest joy?
Then: Someone wanting to have sex with me, or being so drunk/high I couldn't feel feelings anymore...
Now: Too many, and too vaguely understood to number and explain. Ask me again in 10 years...

13) What did you consider your greatest accomplishment?
Then: Hanging out and screwing hot chicks, bitching about fuckwits with my best friend...
Now: Not having ever gone to jail, having worked up the courage to ask my gf out...

14) What advice would you give your younger self?
Nothing younger me could have understood or respected, of that I'm sure, so I'd tell him to keep being himself and that he's awesome...

15) What would your younger self say to you?
He'd definitely like me but be intimidated by my relative self-posession, so probably something about how to fix the world, followed closely by something about my mum. Oh, how times change!

16) Looking back, is your life in 2008 what you thought it would be in 1998?
A lot better. A fucking sight better. A metric fuckload better. So much better that nthe sentence required to describe it probably wouldn't fit in ya mums box.





But my cock did.

Zoot and I've been walking Sandra to work and picking her up every day now *and he's SO good!*...

Zoot's testicles are IN HIS SCROTUM!

Everything is as it should be.

That is all

I wish to break into over-indulgently proud parent mode for a mo, and wax on about Sandra and my awesome puppy: Zoot, Terror of the vegetable kingdom!

We just tooked him for his second shots (one more to go!) and he's such a good little man, he was wagging his tail the whole way through the injection!

Also heard at several points was the percussive genius displayed by Zoot by means of wagging his tail in the doggy-carrier...

He didn't even make a noise when he got motion sickness on the carry home and yarked in his pet-carrier. He simply and diligently went about "cleaning up" said vomit.

Tomorrow is bath for him, followed by his first steps in the Big Wide World!

I'm so proud I could explode!

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: Proud
Current Music: The Sound Of a Sleeping Puppy

I write this sleep deprived at 10:30am on a wednesday, with a sooky puppy in my lap. I'm sleep deprived because he won't let me nap. So here I am, thinking pet-therapy is a great thing for depression, but instead I'm roasting myself for thinking, while half awake, that "I'm gonna kill that little shitmonster" because his insecure mewling wakes me up minutes after I drift off. Of course there is a live, happy puppy in my lap right now... But that doesn't stop the rage/remorse/guilt/blame/anger/rage ad nauseum spiral of stupid that my brain gets locked in.

Strange, I've traded in mt Jerry Springer lifestyle for one of domestic bliss and still every annoyance and setback is reacted to as if it were the sight of my gf mid-gangbang with everyone who ever picked on me at school...

Yet therapy drives me back to the bottle; drugs aren't the answer to any of my problems, whether the government says they're okay or not; and the usual sleep/read/wank/sleep cycle that keeps me from biting my own kidneys out just to shut my fucking brain up is, according to Zoot, no longer an option.

So, I give up on overly clingy, needy annoying girls who can't leave me alone for five minutes, then I get a puppy.

I fucking hate winter...

http://www.chaser.com.au/content/view/3483/72/

Hey hey, it's your good ol' Dark Lord of Doom here, remembering that I have this LJ thingy, and maybe, just maybe, someone gives an arse what I write in here. If not, meh.

Well, lately therapy has been wonderful, in that I've missed 2 of the last 4 appointments (God bless toothache and angst.). The bad part is I went to the other two. At one point, I was asked to (try to) construct a timeline of my life. For all of you who are successful, happy, content, socially well adjusted, get along with your families and have reasonable lives, I suggest you try this. For anyone else (such as myself) it's an exercise in bringing up many horrible emotions in no real order, and having to gloss over each and every episode of horror, violence, shame, regret, terror, humiliation, scorn and generalised negativity just in order to (sort of) finish the damned thing in an hour.

Could have been worse, could have done it with a toothache... Okay, so it couldn't have been worse.

Meanwhile, I held out against getting the tooth dealt with for many, many reasons, but all of them were stupid. The daftest one was trying to wait until after my sis had moved, so I could help. Well, that went arse-up pretty quickly, as the day I was meant to start, I went to the dentist, and the day I was meant to finish was the day he ripped the fucker out.

So, apparently if I'd ever had $1,400 (roughly, meaning probably a whole heap more) I could have (and still) fix ONE of the causes of my teeth parting ways with my gums. Nevermind the amphetamine abuse and sparse dental hygiene, I have an expensive gum condition, which, as I'm sure you can imagine, makes me feel JUST PEACHY!

And now: Now I'm left with guilt over missing helping out with the move, angst over how long I have left before I have to save for serious dental extraction/replacement before my gums eat my teeth, and to top it all off, it was the back molar. Now the next one feels uncomfortable against both my tongue and my gum/lip.

All in all, two thumbs down for the last month. Well, maybe one and a half, as my love, our cat, and the last book I read were all awesome...

So...

Um...

Trying to find a point in having written this...

Oh yeah...

The person who invented teeth has now made the list.

Current Mood: annoyed

Welcome back, pointless and entirely unjustified depression, I missed you, kinda in the same was some of the vomit misses the bowl.

Right about now, my life is about as fun getting gaffed to the rear lighting truss and forced to watch Britney Spears lypsynch while upside down and getting repetamunted by the poorly programmed Mac 2k's that are there to dazzle the audience by blunt-force hacking their brainstems by way of the optic nerve, so that they'll beleive it was worth the $(insert stupidly overinflated figure) it cost to get into the frikkin gig.

Sidetracks. That's what keeps me vaguely sane. Never look at the emotions face-on. Always try for obtuse-angle viewing. Defence mechanism isn't the right phrase, but it's the first one that comes to mind. Plagiarism comes second ;>

My wrists hurt, so I'm going to try and convince Miu to come to bed, where I'll promptly ignore her, read a half a chapter of Cryptonomicon, then fuzz out into PTSD-induced nighmares.

Still, they beat the shit out of the thoughts I have while awake...

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: Whadda you reckon?
Current Music: the sound of "cl"

I gots my Bat Symbol Tatoo for my birthday!!!! Thankyou to Sandra, Ruth, Barry, Dan and Kristen for the bestest present ever!!!

Best birthday ever!!!

Lookin' forwards to Best Party Ever!!!!

*BOUNCES*

Current Location: Brisvegas
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: The sound of the garbage truck

Well, that was a cracking gig...

Everything I'd hoped for and needed for 7 odd years came together...

Had sensibly awesome fun, met new and awesome people (You know who you are...) plus got to hang with new and old friends (Necro being my mosh-mate for a good third of the gig), got in some wonderful conversations, flirted vaguely, got hit on a bunch, cared less, and generally blew off a shitload of old steam... Plus, as an added bonus, the Oompah-Loompah was nowhere to be seen...

All in all, had the most awesome night out with my love, and look forewards to what I hope is a minimal hangover for my psych appointment tomorrow (today)...

Have a great day all, and remember: Bitches love me cuz they know that I rock!!!

Current Location: St. Piddy's Yo
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: MSI - Bitches (It's still ringin' in mah ears)

And 2 days before I go see 'em at the Gaylick Club, MSI decide to play through my back door, courtesy of Sydney Park proximity...

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Faggot - MSI (live)